The Sacred Heart
by sirens call universe
Summary: Cullen wanted to despise her, yet he couldn't. He couldn't stop remembering the memory of Judith Amell and the sacrifice she did to save the Circle from destruction. Even in her death he loved her still. If only he could see her one last time. One shot sequel/ spin -off to The Circle Calls Us.


**Hey guys! I hope you all are having a wonderful summer vacation! Please enjoy this little oneshot I prepped for you guys!**

**Disclaimer: In case you don't know: I own nothing. If I did...I would be one happy chick.**

Cullen sat up in a panic stricken sweat in the middle of the night. He breathed heavily at the nightmares that had plagued every night since that fateful eve in the Circle Tower. Demons, no mages, had succumbed to the temptation his superiors had warned him of. He was foolish to believe that mages were people like him and his brothers in arms. He thought that the Chantry was too hard on them. He thought there was a chance for templars and mages to live together one day. How naive of him...to believe that. One remained in a dream until the harsh realities of the world kicked in. That night opened Cullen's ignorant eyes to the cruel world he lived in and it scarred his mind.

The nightmares that continued to haunt were punishment of his doubt in the Chantry's ways. Cullen believed his ill advised infatuation with Judith Amell was the source of his restlessness. She hailed a hero, yet she was a mage. Mages were not people let alone a hero. He tried to tell himself that, but somehow or another he found himself visiting her grave on his off hours. Every time, he cursed himself for this weakness...for feeling a sense of sadness over her death.

He remembered their talks as he became familiar to her look and voice. She was so different from the other mages. Judith wanted to be friends with the templars, not enemies. She had told them she dreamed of the day when the fighting would stop and everyone would get along. Idealistic, but the fact she even thought about drew him to her like a moth to flame. The more she told him, the more he wanted to know about her.

She was considerate of his feelings despite the few encounters they had. When she sympathized with him over the life he lived, he realized how amazing she was. She didn't just feel her kind's pain, but the pain of all. It was the first time someone cared what happened to him. When she died, it effected him more that what he wanted his hardened heart to feel.

Cullen did not want this feeling of dread and sorrow he felt when he thought of her. In the depths of his mind, kept hidden from even the Fade, he wondered why it had to be HER. Every time he pondered why her. The one mage who tried so hard to find good in this world. He would have understood if it anyone else considering the pessimism that existed in the mages. With her death, he saw no one redeeming qualities of any of the mages.

He thought with time it would have hardened him, and to an extent it did. However, his one weakness that was now dead and he felt despair every time he thought of her. Cullen was scared he would forget what her voice sounded like, and that beautiful floral sent she carried whenever she passed him.

Her kindness and beauty were all parts of a wonderful whole that left this world. He never was able to answer why it was her until he really thought about the repercussions of her death. In his reflection, Cullen came up with a valid explanation. He believed it was the Maker punishing him for defying the Order and His will. None of the templars were bothered with nightmares except for him. If that was not proof enough , he was not sure what was.

Cullen reached for a rag on his bedside table and dabbed his sweaty forehead while he continued thinking furiously. He sighed heavily at his occupied thoughts and rolled his neck of all the aches and pains he felt from his restlessness. A breeze swept through the room and Cullen reached for his shirt to cover his bare chest from the chills he felt. He walked a few paces before seeing the form of a person. He feared it was an intruder, so Cullen crept closer. However, in the corner of his room sat the woman dear to his heart and the one who haunted his dreams: Judith Amell. He stiffened every muscle in his body at the sight of her.

She looked up at him with a soft smile and kind eyes he remembered so fondly. Her long dark curly was down, flowing well past her waist and she was dressed in a beautiful billowy white dress with bare feet. Judith never looked so beautiful. It was as if his memory preserved her how he wanted to remember her.

Cullen remained still, and held his breath. His mind screamed at him that something was very wrong. This was a trick, the same trick the demons had used in their attempt to break him. Cullen grabbed his sword leaning against the bedpost and pointed it towards Judith.

He glared at the impostor, "Stand back demon! Your illusion will not fool me! She's dead! Now leave before I strike you down," Cullen threatened.

Judith shook her head and smiled playfully, "That's some greeting you got there. A 'Hello' would've been nicer, but this will do. Never been called a demon I can tell you that. I'm quite hurt," she replied.

'_Sounds exactly like her, trying to play games' Cullen _thought. It infuriated him that the demon thought it could fool him. However, it angered him even more that it was deliberately using her as a part of its facade.

"I will not fall for your tricks! Now or ever! I will not have you tarnishing her memory."

"This isn't a trick,"

She stood up and walked toward Cullen. He stiffened as she came close enough that their faces were mere inches apart. Her delicate hands lowered his sword so it hung facing downward. She was so calm, so peaceful that Cullen just gazed at her. Judith returned his gaze and blushed slightly.

"How do I know that?" Cullen whispered.

"Because, you're the one who called me,"

Cullen searched his feelings and realized it was true. He had wanted her to come. He instantly let his guard down and stared at at her.

Judith placed her hand on his cheek and caressed it gently. The sensation soothed Cullen's troubled mind and he leaned into her tranquil touch. He wasn't sure why, but at this moment, all he wanted was to be by her. He knew it was wrong, but if this was a trick he had fallen into it willingly. He was tired of fighting, and waiting for something bad to happen. All he wanted now was for her to hold him.

Judith felt the anger and rage inside of him. She frowned at his suffering. She now understood why her spirit was being pulled toward him. Even though they were never able to be together, she realized she cared more for Cullen than previously thought.

He was not the same sweet Cullen she once knew. He was troubled, and lost. She wanted to help him, but only if he would let her.

"You aren't well,are you?" Judith murmured while pulling him into a relaxing embrace.

Cullen placed his face into her hair and basked in its floral aroma. This was something he had always wanted to do, but never had the courage to. Some how, she was able feel the storming emotions inside him by her touch. He wished she could do more to comfort him and the storm inside.

"No, you saw what happened. Mages...they can't be trusted. They give into temptation...and kill the ones we love," he whispered while circling his arms around her waist.

She pulled back slightly and stared at him with sad eyes, "Not all of us are the same. There is good in mages" she replied.

"If that was the case...you would still be alive,"

She was comforted to know he cared for her when she was alive and it was not just her who felt it. However, it bothered her how his thinking changed completely. She wanted to feel anger, but she couldn't bring herself to. He was misguided, and disillusioned after that terrible night. Perhaps...she was able to hold a body for a little while longer. At least long enough to comfort him.

With that in mind, Judith's face grew soft and she placed a hand on his chest and with her free hand, she repeated the action with his own hand. He felt her heart beat against her cool skin, which was impossible considering she was dead. She spread her fingers against his chest and looked up into his eyes. He confused at what she was showing him. She smiled tenderly as she felt the heart that was the same in every living person beat.

"Feel that? The same as you. Underneath the magic and labels...there is person with a beating heart. We feel and live, just as you do. We suffer and feel pain. The only thing that separates us, is talents given to us at birth," she said as she closed the distance between them until her nose grazed his own, "I know there are many unknowns about magic, but what is not unknown is the humanity behind it," she finally leaned into him.

Her lips touched his lightly before he leaned in and returned the gesture. The kiss was soft and slow, but the meaning behind it was anything but. He saw images in his mind of what their life could've been like were it not for magic. They could've married and had children...and LIVE. They could've been anything they wanted to and be happy together. Cullen's chest tightened at what could've been and the happiness lost to him.

His fingers lightly grazed Judith's jawline before she pulled away. Cullen didn't want it to end so soon, so pulled her back once more for a passionate kiss. Judith complied willingly and returned the favor with equal passion. They remained like that for an eternity, reveling in each other's presence.

However, it had to come to an end. Judith pulled anyway slowly with sad eyes until they were no longer touching. She didn't want it to end, but like everything in this world, things must come to an end. She would lose this body soon even if she didn't want it to. The familiar tingling sensation that came when she least wanted it to, signaled it was time.

"I have to go...Cullen," she said as she began to fade.

Small glowing orbs began slowly removing her presence from the land of the living. They started at her feet and moved their white glowing light upwards.

Cullen grimaced as her form faded. He felt defeated and he told her the one thing had kept secret all this time, even from himself

"I wish...we could have been together..." he whispered with a single tear running down his cheek.

She reached out once more and touched his face, "Perhaps in another life, we can be together," she whispered back.

The orbs continued upwards as the pressure from her faded. The end was coming and they both knew it. With her soft gaze, she gave him one last feather light kiss. And with that she disappeared before Cullen's eyes. The emptiness left inside, was terrible. He hated it...but he succumbed to his inner desire and didn't regret it.

Cullen laid back in his bed and vowed that he would never let allow himself to feel the pain he felt now. He would avenge Judith's death. After all, she was the only mage he ever met that was worthy of his respect...and love.

Perhaps Judith was right, in another life they could be together. Until then, they would have to be apart for the rest of his days.

**I ALWAYS wanted this pairing in The Circle Calls Us. I hinted towards it, but it never reached full romance level. Oh well, I hope my fellow Cullenites enjoyed this little piece. Any reviews for this piece is appreciated, but the fact you are reading warms my heart. As always, thank you for reading!**


End file.
